It has been a while since I wrote in here. Even though blogging is overrated, I feel that sometimes it is all right to vent when no one else can be there for you to vent with. The past several months has been very blissful and yet, tough at times. I cannot imagine anymore goodness, kindness and severe temptations that are all around me. Today I went to church and Pastora was the main preacher of the day for the lord. As I sat there listening to every ounce of wordings she would say, my heart felt conviction, shame and yet relieve to hear good news and fear for the lord. I have been to 3 EGR's and when I went to the third one, I have to say that I was overwhelmed and it is very hard to overcome the temptations that is surrounding me. I cannot help but to touch the sacred, that should not be touched at all. Like with Eve eating the apple that was forbidden to be eaten. There are so many things I took in today at church and likely as of today, I have started fearing the lord. My battle cries out to him everyday, as of right now I am more confused than any other christians that are going through the same.


Right now I have been with a man that I truly love and also my family has come to have loved. But for some reason I don't doubt, but I know if he cannot commit to the lord as much as I have, it becomes harder to say that will he be my husband? I pray day and night that he would change, that he would accept the lord in his heart and to show others how good he will have as long as he has the lord by his side. Right now he is not on the right path with the lord, thus means why everything has not been according to his plans. It is very hard to tell whether he has been receiving his love or the deception of the evil doings has taken upon his heart.


His desires of all desires may not seem to come from our lord father. But I know for sure that if he does accept christ, his desires will be the willing to our lord and savior. Right now, I still think about me and his future and I have no questions, but each time he rejects the lords offer, it makes me rethink of our future together and how it will work together. As they say, even in pairs we must work as a team and you have a coach to guide your team. At this rate it does not seem that we are in the same team since my coach is my lord and savior. While he sits and says that "I" is his team.


The acronym of the devil has a strong hold on the people I love and yet I pray that stronghold will disappear. Let the good be told by our lord and save one another to his name.

I never realized how time passed by so quick, yet I am still around the people I knew that will always be there for me. No doubt about it that I will always be there for them and all my other friends. I never got a chance to tell my bestest guy friends how much I truly appreciated them believing in me, regardless how life for me was so tough, never the doubt they never gave me courage to go on, and to always tell me never to give up. I cried many times about how my life was going down hill, yet my friends always pushed me to keep on going, so far I have.

 

To all my bestest guy friends in the whole entire world, and to all my gfs as well that has been there since high school, I am glad you guys are all still around. It is funny sometimes that we all talk about how are future will go, and how are kids were gonna look like, and also if they were gonna be the next generation of our crew....LOL sounds so high school, but you know, we were the only one in high school that ever lasted as a group together. I am so glad were all still there after all these years.

Marisa: For 10 YEARS now and in counting, I'm so glad that me and you have made it this far, through our friendship, best friends, to cousins, to sisters and many more to come in our lives. I am so glad that you became one of the most important that have stuck around me, even though there was times we had our ups and downs, but i am so glad that we made it this far. I remember we used to talk about our future with who is our husbands going to be, if we were gonna have kids, and you would always make fun of me that i was going to have a baby first. AHAHAHA, Girl let me tell you, i told you, you were gonna be the first one and i knew that, but i am glad even though you had a baby in such a young age, you have impressed me by making it out there, and no doubt that i knew you could do it, with the help of the greatest husband for you in the world. I am glad that your happy, and even though i know you wanted me to get married to Mike G. back then, well girl, god said it was not meant to be, and it was better this way, as you can tell i am doing a lot better as an independent woman. Someday you will be my matron of honor. I love you very much, for believing in me, for being there, and for always giving me those hugs whenever i needed it. I don't consider you my best friend or cousin, YOU ARE MY BIG SISTER I NEVER HAD!

Stephanie: Even though there was so much shit about you i could not put up, I am so glad that your my best friend since grade school bitch! LOL i love the fact that we call each other certain names, and yet we are okay with that. I love the fact we would have somewhat of intelligent conversations, it would turn into interesting ones. Well all i gotta say also is that, thanks always for making me laugh, with your experiences and mines, I think we both always look back and laugh, and somehow we point and laugh at the guys we have dated....say to ourselves that were better than them...LMAO. But i am glad that you finally settled down though, man those years were so tough for you. But i guess you fell in love with a japa boy. okay well i love you for being a bitch and i put up with it.

 

Edelyn: What can I say, you were my best friend since the day I met Marisa. I love those days when we all sang in choir and yet practice our vocals together, but no matter how me and marisa sang, you were always the best one out of me and her. Glad that me and you are still best friends, even though you are such a COCONUT![white on the inside/brown on the outside]I love those times we would have our walks to Jack London the time when we did not have our license, I miss the fact we walked to Baskin Robbins and we would get our favorite ice cream, which was the strawberry cheesecake. YUM! I miss those days also when we would go to our spot together at the marina and have our random drives. I wish you were still here, but AGAIN you moved back to arizona. That is okay, it is my turn now to come and see your world, you've seen my asian world enough, i guess i need to see the coconut in you. I love you chick! as you would always say.

Jennifer: Girl the day I moved to Antioch, you were the one who be friended me, when a lot of people were so cruel to me. Since 6th grade, oh my goodness, and then I betrayed our friendship because of my STUPID ex bf, and we have lost in touch from junior year until finally last year....4 years of broken friendship, and yet we finally rekindled our feelings for each other as bestest gal pals! I am so glad that me and you have finally moved on, and we became very good friends again. This time how me and you have changed. We use to be such geeks back then, LOL i remember how much we were just so boring and bookworms. LOL, now were still the same, but a little bit more outgoing and loud. I am glad that me and you dumped the guys that we did not deserve, and found ourselves again, this time we learned and we learned how to love each other again the way it should be. We both realized how much friendship is not perfect, but yet what me and you have was definitely unconditional friendship. I love you girl, good luck this time with your new love.

Johann: What can I say, the day we first met, i could not even believe that we both went to BDMS together. The whole time in grade school i did not even knew you existed until senior year came. it has been 5 years since we have been really great friends. You are probably one of the most funniest guys I have ever met, drama free, loveable guy, yet somewhat of a DORK and TOOK VILORIA's place when he left. I HATE YOU....but I LOVE YOU at the same time. Your an asshole at times, but that is the greatest thing about you, you could be funny at the same time with it. Sometimes i could never take you seriously, but I guess you really have to shake me on it to let that happen. But regardless, your still the greatest friend a girl could ask for, the times when i would be sick, i know you worry about me, cuz you would always lecture me like crazy about my eating habits and worry thinking i am anorexic, but no worries my dear....i am not. But i gotta say, your a great person to be around with, and i hope that me and you will always be KIT no matter how far we all become later on in life.

Rofert: Dude, OMGOSH!! The days i have known you and the years, i remember how you use to be so QUIET in high school, i mean you never even said one single word when you were in high school. IT WAS INSANE! Then 5 years later, i see you now going back to school and talking so much, and you being so outgoing that your driving me INSANE!!LOL, your a very funny guy, and we need really good laughter in the group. You were always known as the FOB guy...LOL but you know what, i am glad that your hangin in there and you give me that courage to hang in there as well. Thanks for being there when you could.

Benitez: B, sheesh man, I want you to relax, don't stress so much on school, believe me, your stress is really nothin, but i love the fact that you are determine to finish everything, but also remember to relax once in a while okay. What can I say about you, I love the fact that throughout my tears and tough times, you were always there for me. I am so glad that you were around those times when the other guys didn't know how to get into their feminine side except you. Someday your ex gf will realize what she lost believe it or not. Your an awesome dood, and i thank god each day to have the best guy friend i could ask for as well. Thanks for always believing in me 100 percent.

You guys have been there for me from 10,6,5 years now....my goodness and yet you have stuck around almost all my life now. I can't wait until we all start our life soon, and yet to see if our next generation will be our generation of friends. Even though I hated Antioch so much, the memories i have lived there, always remained in me. I am so glad  you guys are still there until this day. When we all yelled at each other, the times we cried together, the days when we were sad to know if we were gonna live....we were always there for one another, and i hope it continues, and for people that i just added in my heart, don't think i don't listen to you, or not have you in my heart, i do have you guys in my heart always!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!! of course my bestest heart in spirit that lives on is Michael. I love you hunnie, always and forever in my heart until i die.

added friends in my heart:

Vanessa[2 years],  Jay[1year], Dave[5 years], Joshua[5years], Rachel[5years], and Justin Famarato[1 year]

I have so much more memories to create. I am glad i have this kind loving heart always, and i want to continue this way. I always tell my friends this, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BETRAY ME, HOW MUCH YOU DECEIVE ME, OR HOW MUCH YOU MAKE ME CRY...MY FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU IS ENDLESS, AND I WILL ALWAYS KEEP THAT PROMISE OF BEING THERE FOR MY FRIENDS. I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!!!

Well as you all know that I have degree, but what sucks about it is, I can only use it for carreer purposes, but I can't continue my education with it. SO it sucks to say that I am on the bottom all over again to get to where I need to be. TOTALLY SUCKS! Also what the crazy thing is, I have only 2 weeks until I have to find a new place to stay. My mother wants me to move to Martinez, but I told her over my dead body that will ever happen. I love it here in Pleasant Hill. My school and my job is near by, and I don't have to deal with so much shit. Only bad thing is about living here, is my mother is nearby, which really sucks. I love her, but damn I am not close to her at all to the point I wanna live near by her. Also I just found out today, one of my favorite actors Heath Ledger passed away. He was a good actor in my book from 10 things I hate about you. Very good movie BTW. Well anyways I got to get back to studying and bitching how life really sucks right now...esp. the fact that an auto body shop refuse service for my car...EVEN MORE GAY! but watever! Good night....